How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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