3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
