Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
