I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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