it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We left the knife in your bed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
