There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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