my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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