What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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