If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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