I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize