Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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