nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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