I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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