That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
