we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
