Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
