It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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