Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
