He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it