Cold hands, warm shart.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.