Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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