he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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