dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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