Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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