She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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