i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
