Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
