i barfeds in our rink
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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