if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
