Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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