paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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