my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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