He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
