I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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