i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
