i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
