Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
