Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
