I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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