I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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