Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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