I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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