I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
