On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
