I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My ATM looks so different sober.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
