just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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