38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
