Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
