I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
