im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
