Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
