did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
