I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
