God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
