I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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