I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Pooping to opera.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
