We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
