Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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