ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
