Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
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I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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