it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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