i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
