FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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