Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
