All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
