im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
