How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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