Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
high people should be assigned attendants
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Alive.
So much puke
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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